I went in search of finding myself.
I tried to consider my every whim.
I switched from coffee to tea.
If anyone hurt me I either cut them out or gave them a taste of their own medicine.
I put myself, I didn’t cook if I didnt want to and I didnt clean if I didn’t feel like it.
I didnt take a job coz I felt I could do better.
Here I am, 6 years down the road, either on the couch or in bed, 30kgs heavier, no wish to wake up… No dream … No vision, playing mind numbing games and watching reruns of Star Trek.
I realized, the search for myself has lead me to Emptiness.
Without CHRIST, I am nothing. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror physically nor my thoughts, my choices even my actions.
HE truly in a GENTLEMAN, when i choose to walk my own way HE does not force me to stay HIS course. HE lets me make my own choice.
Here i am now. Repentant. Looking for HIM to find me … Again.